LGBT, secularista e humanista: "O ressentimento contra a felicidade alheia é o maior atestado de infelicidade própria que alguém pode dar a si mesmo. Todo fundamentalista, por adiar a felicidade para o além-mundo, se ressente da felicidade dos outros. Por isso, ele abana as chamas de seu próprio inferno para cima daqueles que, ignorando seu esforço para estragar tudo, constroem sua felicidade aqui e agora da melhor maneira possível." Sergio Viula
Separation took place over the night of May
7th to the morning of May 8th, coincidentally my birthday – not my idea of fun
at all. As they say, life overturns fiction at times.
Frequently seen as a battle between two
people once in love, divorce can be really stressful for most couples. Ours;
however, took place while we still loved each other and went more smoothly than
either of us could have ever imagined. Of course, any separation faces a
decisive moment. Ours was no exception. Surprisingly, what drew everybody’s
attention – I mean the lawyers’, the notary’s agent’s and the closest family’s
– was the calmness, the respect, the dignity and the caring that sewed up all
the stages of the process.
Dr Ricardo, who has been a good friend for
years, prepared the minute that would require the notary’s to formalize our
divorce. As we had got legally married,
it was not only about hitting the road. Thanks to a new law in Brazil, it took
us about only one hour to have everything set. The notary’s costs were about
US$ 300, besides the lawyer’s. Dr. Ricardo charged a far reasonable price. And
as Emanuel and I don’t have any children or durable goods purchased during
marriage that we might have to share, everything was quite simple.
As I said, what drew our lawyer’s and
notary’s agent’s attention was the friendly atmosphere in which everything took
effect. Actually, we were not putting up a scene: that respectful approach
remains the same even after divorce. Just to illustrate what I mean, by the
time Emanuel sent a small truck to pick up his belongings and move them to his
new apartment, I had already washed his clothes, boxed everything carefully,
dismounted furniture and got all set for that moment. When the truck arrived I
willingly helped the driver load it with the precious cargo.
Divorcing is never easy, though, especially
when two people still consider each other as much as we do. But for that very
same reason it flew softly.
Emanuel asked me if he could keep the
surname. He had adopted Viula, my family name, although it had never been an issue
to me. I’ve always believed people are not cattle to be marked after the
owner’s name. Both my lawyer and the notary’s agent were astonished. They were
used to seeing straight couples fighting over the husband’s surname. That’s all
so mean… Actually, we were pragmatic: it had been so tiring to change all the
documents after marriage that it wouldn’t be worth the effort changing all of
them again after divorce. In fact, we’ve got so much more to do! Why pay taxes
and queue up just to spoon-feed bureaucracy? Let’s keep it simple, I mean, as
simple as life.
We remain friends, despite the fact that each one is now
following their own path, but we still nourish special caring for each other.
After all, we shared seven beautiful
years of our lives with one another!
Thus, hereby, may everyone know that we
have been divorced since May 23rd, 2014, without a single row, a single
argument, without shouting or offending each other, just wishing each other
well. That’s why I said our divorce was the gayest divorce my lawyer had ever
made. Not because we are two men, but because it was the most joyful (therefore,
the gayest), although neither of us has ever faced it as a happy end. Ends are
usually said. Does that sound too paradoxical? Probably, it does – just like almost
everything in life.
Living without scripts is what felicity
means. We do not need to be male and female to get married. Those who think so
are no better than reproducers of traditions which were born dead. People marry
because they are HUMAN and because they love each other, or have some second interests, or
People still wonder how, why, what for. But
what else could we say? Why should we come up with motives to justify anything?
Life goes on. And we are ready to welcome new joys, new loves, new challenges
and new conquests. Our previous story as a loving couple; however, will remain
as a good memory from many points of view.
Also, we are proud of dealing with each other
with decency and discretion. To those
who nourish homophobic thoughts/feelings, including self-homophobia, a sound
and clear message: human beings and their relations are all the same shit - none
of them can offer whatsoever warranty. It’s all about living and dying. So,
we’d better immerse in what can give us joy rather than sadness. Joy enhances
and strengthens life, whereas sadness just weakens it.
There is no mystery
about death. That’s just the end of life. We love creating names: birth (or
even fecundation) for the beginning and death for the ending, but what really
matters is what lies in between: LIVING! And if there’s a moment when everything
proves to be irrelevant, it is when the body, definitely inert, no longer
projects anything; not even that notion of self and of the other that we call
conscience, which being so complex, dares to think that it can exist apart from
the very body that projects it.
Death, which is the end of that illusion,
does not allow us to bear our last disappointment as there being no more
conscience, it’s impossible to get disappointed. It means that, except for
those who do not believe in the survival of the conscience to the body’s death,
most people will die deluded. Death is also the end of that delusion for the
reasons put forth above.
Then, many people will ask “why live if
it’s all so deluding?” I can simply reply that when there are no warranties,
everything is worth risking. So, why not take chances in pursuing happiness? Life is this naughty, stubborn, little thing that irrationally insists on flowing
despite the lack of any finality or necessity. Conscience makes us believe that
it will survive. That’s fertile soil for all kinds of neurosis and psychopathy,
especially those fostered by religious beliefs.
To sum up, living is what there is for
today. Let’s live, then – and live joyfully! Let’s do whatever may be at our
reach so as to build a world in which people will fulfill happy biographies, even
after we have kicked the bucket. Actually, that’s the only possible transcendence.
And what else could be more desirable?
Substantivizing a love story that culminated in
marriage and divorce.